The Swift Files
by edjeff
Summary: When Taylor Swift finds a monster in her basement, she needs the help of the FBI's finest agents of the uneXplained!


Taylor Swift opened the door to her apartment in Tribeca, New York City, America, The World and put down her bags of Rice Krispies next to her favourite birdcage full of books which she has several of because it is 'whimsical' according to an article on the internet.

She was confused. There was Meredith Grey to welcome her, but where was Olivia Benson? She hoped that naughty cat hadn't got into trouble again!

After looking all around her penthouse she decided to try the basement, which it definitely has even though it is a penthouse as you would probably know if you were even rich enough to go into a penthouse.

Oh no! There was Olivia Benson's collar! But no Olivia Benson! And there in a dark corner... FOUR BLUE EYES! But not in a romantic if ultimately doomed way like in the song State Of Grace, like A CAT-EATING MONSTER MIGHT HAVE.

Taylor Swift ran out of the basement, because although she is strong and brave she is NO FOOL and knew she needed help.

So she rang the FBI, who sent their best agents of the unexplained: Yes, it was Mulder and Scully.

"Mulder, did we really have to come all the way to New York to investigate a pop star's missing cat?" said Scully, who was sceptical like you know she often is.

"There is more to this Scully! So much more than the government would have you believe!" said Mulder, who had lost his sister.

"You are sure this isn't some weird pervert thing like when you swore there was a ghost in Britney Spears' bras?"

"Scully this is not like that this is a 100% proper real investigation into a monster in Taylor Swift's apartment. 95%, at least!"

"Mulder, all I am saying is that according to the files, she's got a long list of ex-lovers who'll tell you she's insane."

The FBI agents walked into the apartment to start their investigation.

"Hello Taylor Swift we are from the FBI can we see your basement?" asked Mulder and Scully.

They all went down with torches and shone them around until in the corner they found A MONSTER. With FOUR BLUE EYES!

"I told you this was an X-File Scully!" said Mulder.

"No Mulder, look - if this is an evil monster, why is it stroking that cute cat?" pointed out Scully using science.

It was true - the monster was stroking Olivia Benson who was set on his monster knee.

"GLAAL!" shouted the monster, sadly.

"Is that your name?" asked Taylor Swift.

"GLAAL!" shouted the monster, yesly.

"Sorry GLAAL but I thought you had eaten Olivia Benson and all along you just wanted to be friends. But why are you in my basement?"

"GLAAL!" shouted the monster again, pointing out of where the basement window would have been if basements had windows and/or this plot had been thought through better.

Everyone ran out onto the street and saw a suspicious car outside but oh no... the car was pulling away... but not before they saw the numberplate... JG1...

Who has the initials JG...

OH NO SURELY IT WASN'T JAKE GYLLENHALL!

"I have worked out the mystery! GLAAL is the 3rd Gyllenhall who Jake and Maggie cruelly mutated when they were children by putting him in the microwave!" said Mulder who had read about this in Lone Gunman magazine which is a reference to a thing!

"Evil Jake Gyllenhall obviously broke in and left him in my basement to try and scare me! Probably in revenge for me having pointed out that he's a bit of dick using clever codes in my songs!" said Taylor Swift.

"Poor old GLAAL - do you want to come and live in my basement for real this time I'll give you a blanket and everything." Because you know Taylor Swift is so kind.

"I should warn you that according to our files he only eats racehorses." said Scully, who wasn't afraid to spoil the mood. SCULLY!

Taylor Swift was a bit conflicted as she loved horses but resolved to try and make convincing Tofu horses to try and ween GLAAL onto a more sensible diet.

So Taylor Swift and Olivia Benson and Meredith Grey and GLAAL all went home to have a slumber party.

"Well all's well that ends well, time to go back to my apartment and watch some pornography, which you know I love!" said Mulder who is a pervert.

But then they a man smoking a cigarette. It was Cigarette Smoking Man!

"CIGARETTE SMOKING MAN!" shouted Mulder and Scully.

Cigarette Smoking Man took a drag on his cigarette.

"Sorry Mister Mulder, but it looks like you are not OUT OF THE WOODS"

TO BE CONTINUED?  
> <p>


End file.
